How to cope with grief at work

1. Communicate your needs:

You can’t assume everyone at work knows what you need (or is even aware that you’ve experienced a loss). Everyone processes grief in different ways. It’s easier to get the support you need if you clearly communicate your needs to your friends and colleagues.

Share what happened in as much or as little detail as you personally are comfortable with—if you don’t want to talk about it at all, say so. Or if you’d like your colleagues or manager to mention the person you lost by name and check in with you regularly, share that.

As far as how to communicate, email, messaging or asking your team lead or HR to convey your message for you are all options—do whatever’s most comfortable for you.

2. Give yourself (and others) the benefit of the doubt:

If you have trouble managing your work, your grief and everything else in your life, that’s completely understandable. You’re not going to feel 100% for a while. Grief can cause difficulty concentrating, apathy, forgetfulness and impatience. You’re doing your best, given the circumstances—so give yourself a break.

By the same token, try to remember that even though your colleagues or managers may not be offering you the support you need, they’re probably well-intentioned. And in all likelihood, they only want to help, even if many of them aren’t aware of the best way to do that.

3. Have an escape route planned:

Most of us are uncomfortable with strong displays of emotion at our jobs. Unfortunately, while you’re mourning your loved one, chances are there will be days and there will be days.

Sometimes the sadness will hit you when you least expect it, and you’ll need a few moments to yourself. Figuring out an escape route isn’t something you want to have to do after you’ve been triggered.

So before it happens (and it likely will happen) figure out a few ways you can take the time you need to compose yourself, undisturbed. On video calls, this might mean turning off your camera and muting your mic.

Or if you’re in the office, scope out a safe space in advance. Whether that’s the third-floor bathroom or a rarely used private office, it’s good to have a quiet place where you can let yourself grieve in peace.

4. Take breaks and time off:

While you’re figuring out how to live with a new reality that doesn’t include the person who passed on, make sure to give yourself as many breaks as you can throughout the working day.

If you need help finding some calm after a bout of tears, try journaling your thoughts in “Keeping a thought record”, or doing “Deep-belly breathing”.

It’s also a good idea to take extra personal or vacation days as needed if that’s something you have available, especially around dates that may remind you of the person who died.

Use your time off to rest at home or to celebrate your loved one’s life doing voluntary work for a cause they supported. Giving yourself the gift of time is a crucial part of moving forward.

It’s also important to remember that you’re not alone. Hundreds of thousands of people around the world are directly affected by death and loss on a weekly basis…and they too are coping with grief as best they can.

Loss is a normal part of life for everyone. But sometimes you just need to have a conversation with someone. If that’s where you’re at right now, in our settings menu we’ve included links to Mental Health helplines where you can find more support.